anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
