I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
