Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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