i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
