omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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