who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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