He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
