He uses pillows to masturbate.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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