Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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