the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
