Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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