I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
