thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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