I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
