I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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