I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
