my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
