I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
