Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
