It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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