My cat gives me a boner
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So vagazzling was a success
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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