What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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