I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
