thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
