I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
