I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
