DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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