So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
