you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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