I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
