It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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