sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
