He uses pillows to masturbate.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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