We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
