If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
