well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
