Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
