I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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