Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
