KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
