Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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