1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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