Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Randomize
