Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
