He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
