ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
