She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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