OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
