Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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