I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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