question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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