Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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