She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
